The Post in Which the BlogMistress loses all Patience with Patriarchal Discourse, OR: Spousal Rape and (il)Logic

Michele Goldberg was just on NPR talking about her new book, The Means of Reproduction. I haven't read the book yet, but based on her interview am very much looking forward to it. So much so, that I am willing to get over the fact that a blog post I've had sitting around unfinished for a while now about how ABSOLUTELY MESSED UP it is that the contraceptive sponge is once again unavailable in the States- wtf!!!!!!!!, has an eerily similar title. I'll have to take this one for the team. That's what I get for procrastinating. Anyway, her book certainly seems sponge-worthy.

Ms. Goldberg was chatting with Terri Gross about the controversial "Spousal Rape Law" in Afghanistan. Women and their allies have been protesting en mass the restrictions that would prevent married women from leaving their homes and force them to "give a positive response to the sexual desires of [their] husband[s]" unless they are "ill." (That means, they can't say no. That means, required rape.)

Here's where I utterly lose my grace.

Men have been staging counter protests in the streets, claiming that....wait for it...............:

"the real violence is women refusing to have sex with their husbands."

Rat bastard sons of bitches.

THAT is privilege talking. That is a classic bullshit maneuver any woman who as ever spoken up about her rights has endured from countless men, all over the world- you don't have to be in Afghanistan to pull that particular dirty trick, or have it pulled on you. And that's what it is. A dirty trick. In response to a legitimate accusation, the perp claims a counter accusation. Inventing a right that isn't a right, but a historical privilege, and claiming the woman is, in fact oh!-press-ing him. Cry me a motherfucking river. And just to be specific, that motherfucking river that is crying is in Afghanistan and she's being fucked against her will by her husband, Hamid Karzai, sharia, and the U.S. Government.

But she's also getting f-u-c-k-ed in the U.S.A. In Canada. Anywhere in the world women are dealt that kind of intellectually inept illogic as a response when they advocate for their rights. Jedi mind tricks, as a commenter here once said. Shenanigans, I say. And it's not just for the big stuff. This tactic doesn't just come out of the back pocket around rape. The "little" stuff counts, too. Because it's the same entitled sexist discursive practice at work either way, with the same goal: obfuscating reality and maintaining the status quo.

Here's what I want you to do:
look around you for this bad behavior. If you are a man and you catch yourself doing it, repent. Repent, I say. Watch yourself in the mirror and see if you're doing it with the small stuff. The tiny stuff. The piddly, day-to-day minutiae. Practice looking for it, it's like building up muscle strength in atrophied integrity. This is the sociological male equivalent of "Ladies, get down on your mat, open your legs, and take out your hand mirrors. We're going to locate your clitoris. Shrouded by the mists of history and misinformation, it has been rendered invisible to you."

Gentlemen: get down on your mats, and take out your hand mirrors. Open your eyes. We're going to locate your privilege, shrouded by the mists of history and misinformation, it has been rendered invisible to you.